So me and my boyfriend have been together for about 4 years and for the first 18 months of our relationship we had a regular and open minded sex life (we tried a bit of everything and he was always enthusiastic) but since then it has been has been slowly declining to only once every few months and often when he is drunk. The decline of sex began around the time we finished university and began living together. In every other aspect our relationship is great; we make each other laugh everyday and although we bicker we very rarely have meaningful arguments. He seems to have lost almost all sexual desire: he rejects my advances and masturbates much less than he used (although he still masturbates more than having sex). I have tried speaking to him many times in many different ways, stating clearly that I wouldn't be upset if his lack of desire was in anyway due to me. All I've managed to get from him is that he simply is 'not bothered' by sex and that the initial decline was due to him gaining weight and since losing it all in the last year he has struggled to 'get back into the habit of doing it' which suggests to me he views sex as something he owes me rather than something he actually wants to do. The only period over the last 2 years where his sexual enthusiasm surged was when we were on summer holiday abroad. I would love to see a therapist about this but we struggling financially as I am currently unable to work due to serious medical issues (which obviously hasn't helped our sex life).
I have concluded that his lack of sexual desire is due to at least one of these reasons:
- He no longer finds me attractive/ doesn't enjoy our sex but doesn't have the heart to tell me
- He is too worried about work and financial issues
- He is asexual or has a medical issue that has reduced his testosterone
I am very upset about his lack of sexual desire as it feeds into my own insecurities and makes me question the future of our relationship, at this point I am desperate. Any advice would be welcomed.